Money doesn’t solve everything. In fact, I would even go so far as to say it is can be a contributor to problems. When I was born, I was taken from my mom largely on the basis that she was a single woman who “couldn’t provide” for me. Single mothers were so taboo that the concept of single parenthood was not only not an option, it was nearly culturally forbidden. The stigma and shame associated with unwed pregnancy were crippling. There weren’t social programs or community resources available to support women who might decide to tackle parenthood alone. Without options, thousands of women had no choice but to relinquish their babies to the adoption industry.
My adoptive parents were the invited guests at social events where members of my biological family were the service workers. How’s that for privilege? And contrast. I was cast into a family with a married couple who had enough status and money to buy me. That money and that privilege were supposed to guarantee I would have a better life. To be truthful, I never wanted for anything material as a child. Not only did I have the essentials of food and shelter, I also had plenty above and beyond that. I was an only child, so the resources were never spread thin and the spoiling was easy for my parents. I could have, and usually did, the latest and greatest in clothes and toys. The problem was it was just stuff. What I longed for could not be purchased and given to me. Their attempts to shower me with all the right things couldn’t change the fact that I was not their biological child. While they hustled to do all the right things for appearance, they lacked the ability to mirror what my soul deeply needed. I needed the right people, not the right stuff. I needed someone to play with me and make space for me. I needed the things that mattered most to me to have permission to be considered valuable. I needed someone who understood that when I begged to join orchestra in school, it was because music and performance were in my DNA. Instead, I was told that because I already played the piano, that was enough. So while for all appearances I may have had a childhood that was filled with all the right things, I was left in debt both emotionally and mentally. I don’t agree that I gained the “better life” my birth mom and I were promised. What I needed was my mom and my biological family. There is no purchase price that erases that.